« Maurice, sérieusement, tu n’as pas idée… Non, faut vraiment être le fils de personne pour être pédé. T’as vu le bordel que tu nous fous dans la rue, Maurice ? Tu crois que ça nous plaît de descendre fouler le pavé et crier, alors que Marie-Charlotte a un pied bot et que Charles Henri risque de prendre froid sans son Barbour ?

Hein ? Maurice, je te le dis, toi et tes petits copains, vous nous foutez le pays à Sac. Ou à Gud, comme tu veux… Enfin, pas de quoi chouetter un Faf.

Non, mais j’ai rien contre toi, Maurice, c’est juste que tu vois… C’est pas toi que j’aime pas, c’est ton vice. Quand je pense que j’ai peut-être croisé des gens de ton engeance quand j’étais petit et que je ne le savais même pas. Beuargh. Non, mais tu te rends compte ?

Bon, passe encore… Je suis pas rancunier. Mais que mon fils puisse croiser un enfant que tu aurais adopté, alors ça non. Pourquoi tu veux des enfants, Maurice? Pédé et papa ça n’existe pas. C’est comme gouine et maman. Ou Fromage et dessert.

Non, vraiment Maurice, tout ça, c’est de ta faute… »

Manif Pour Tous… Une France au XXIe siècle…

D’abord, j’ai un peu envie de dire merde au concept de la transparence : dans un pays comme le nôtre, ça n’existe pas. Quelques bons samaritains du système, qui ne souhaitent absolument pas que quoi que ce soit bouge, tentent bien de nous faire passer la mise en place de règles de transparences pour « Le cauchemar Orwellien de 1984″ (dixit Alain Finkielkraut), ou encore le totalitarisme de la transparence (là, c’est du Enthoven, ou un truc comme ça, parce que bizarrement, je n’arrive jamais vraiment à me souvenir de ce qu’il raconte), mais ça ne prend pas. C’est même à la limite de l’imposture intellectuelle.

Car il n’existe pas UNE transparence, mais DES transparences. Essayons de faire preuve d’un peu de nuance, mais pas trop quand même, parce qu’après, les esprits chagrins s’y perdent… En gros il y a la transparence dans la vie publique et il y a la transparence dans la vie privée. Ho ! La découverte ! Aujourd’hui, les mesures prônées concernent des personnages publics, des « élus » de la « République », vous suivez ? Or, c’est comme ça et il faut qu’ils l’acceptent, l’étendue de la zone de transparence d’un personnage public, qui plus est politique, n’est pas la même que celle de Flegmon Broutempré, qui travaille (pour combien de temps encore?) chez Madrange mon jambon star. Bref, on doit en savoir un peu plus sur les politiques que sur le citoyen lambda.

Voilà pourquoi on demande aujourd’hui à nos élites « élus » de la « République » de faire la lumière sur des zones qu’on laisse dans l’ombre pour Flegmon. C’est ça que les philocrates un peu pisse froid et qui sont à la philosophie ce que Gilles Bernheim est… à la philosophie aussi, tiens ! ont un peu de mal à comprendre. Il poussent des cris d’orfraie (c’est une sorte aigle pêcheur en fait) et se scandalisent devant l’inquisition punitive et la vindicte populaire qui veut tout savoir de manière malsaine. Au passage, je ne me souviens pas les avoir entendus trop sur la « vidéo protection » l’installation de caméras, la récupération de données par les marques sur internet, la constitution de fichiers en tous genres, la géolocalisation via les appli des smartphones, qui elles sont de véritables incursions inquisitoriales dans la vie privée…

Donc pardon de réitérer ma grossière assertion, mais merde ! LA transparence, ça n’existe pas.

Et voilà, qu’on braque le projecteur sur nos ministres et nos élus et plus particulièrement sur leur patrimoine. (cris d’orfraie).

Et là, on s’aperçoit de quoi ? Que dans le gouvernement, les gens comme vous et moi, hé bien, il n’y a en a pas beaucoup. Honnêtement, fondamentalement, je ne porte absolument aucun jugement sur les 5 millions de patrimoine de Michèle Delaunay… Je pourrais même dire que je m’en cogne. L’argent même s’il y en a beaucoup, n’a aucune espèce d’odeur morale s’il a été gagné honnêtement (au regard de la loi s’entend, même si on peut moralement regimber à accepter une fortune issue d’un complexe militaro industriel par exemple).

Seulement Michèle, permettez que je l’appelle Michèle, avec ce patrimoine, je ne suis pas certain qu’elle soit très au fait des difficultés de la vie de tous les jours. Et donc si elle n’est pas très au courant, je me demande un petit peu comment elle va bien pouvoir prendre conscience et donc apporter des réponses pertinentes aux gens qui ont du mal à boucler leurs fins de mois, même si son boulot c’est pas le chômage.

En tout cas, le grand mérite de l’étendue de la zone de transparence publique sur le patrimoine de nos élus est là : nous montrer qu’on est en grande partie dirigés par des élite qui, s’ils sont du même monde que nous, ne vivent pas sur la même planète.

Le reste, c’est de la littérature…

Voilà, je tenais à partager avec vous, le plus long spam du monde… Reçu tout à l’heure. Les mecs sont barjots. Je vous aurai prévenus… Si vous cliquez sur lire la suite…

Auteur : Shelley (IP : 2.5.198.225 , ALille-652-1-127-225.w2-5.abo.wanadoo.fr)
E-mail   : john596@gmx.com
Adresse : http://www.lachemisehomme.com
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Oubliez les mentions « fumer tue » sur les paquets de clopes. Nous avons trouvé notre Hitchcock de la communication, notre Lovecraft de la prévention : la fédération française de cardiologie.

Je vous laisse admirer le chef d’oeuvre d’épouvante :

Admettez : ça fout tellement la trouille qu’on pourrait en avoir une attaque… Pas plus tard que ce matin dans le métro j’ai vu cette affiche et je vous avoue que j’ai ressenti comme un vague sentiment d’oppression.

Je me souviens aussi du « vous ne le savez peut-être pas, mais p’têtre bien que vous êtes épileptiques ». Regardez :

Et du coup je me demande si tout compte fait les associations - nonobstant tout à fait estimables et absolument nécessaires - ne se plantent pas complètement, mais alors complètement...

C'est tout de même incroyable de mettre une telle pression sur les gens. Partout, tout le temps. Vous allez mourir.

Pas étonnant que derrière, ces gens se précipitent dans les bras de la pub pour y trouver réconfort et légèreté. Au moins dans la pub, on vous montre des gens heureux (moyennant l'achat de la toute nouvelle voiture qui crache les flammes, du tout dernier pantalon anti-groscul, ou encore de la dernière lessive qui sent comme quand tu étais enfant).

Regardez comme il a l'air heureux et tout concon, tout ça parce qu'il fait semblant de pioncer dans un hôtel moche et en plein jour  :

Ca tient pas deux secondes, rationnellement, cette photo. On voit bien en effet que c'est du chiqué, qu'on essaie de nous enfumer. Mais c'est pas rationnellement que tout se joue... C'est dans l'arrière boutique, en arrière plan : notre inconscient. Et c'est là le grand talent des pubards.

Mais surtout : l'absolue supériorité de la pub sur toutes les campagnes de préventions du monde (qu'elles soient pour le cancer, le tabac, les AVC, l'épilepsie, les furoncles, la gonorrhée interstitielle, où l'haleine de poney) c'est qu'elle vous dit, et elle a raison, que la vie est belle. Oui, la vie est belle, on ne le dit pas assez, même si elle s'arrête brusquement à cause d'un AVC. Dites-le, bordel, au lieu de vouloir foutre la trouille à tout le monde. Car de l'autre côté, la pub, elle ne vous dira jamais que pour être heureux, pas besoin de bouffer des Twix à longueur de journée...

En tout cas, comme le disait Ken dans Ken le Survivant : "Tu ne le sais pas, mais tu es déjà mort".

Vous pouvez acheter ça ici, DRM free pour 1.49 euros… c’est franchement pas cher la poilade : Apple iBookStore // Immatériel // Amazon // Kindle

Les journalistes et moi-même apprécieront. Quant aux autres… ils apprécieront.

C’est la grande mode depuis quelques années, et c’est un des legs du quinquennat Sarkozy. Maintenant, on ne qualifie plus simplement « d’individu » de « citoyen » ou de « Français » un concitoyen de confession musulmane. Il leur faut un marqueur. Et autant que le marqueur soit efficace et bien visible. Voire indélébile. Comme une grosse tache, quoi. Donc aujourd’hui on dit « Français de confession musulmane » ou plus drôle encore « franco-musulman » et même, summum « Français d’apparence musulmane » (©Sarkozy™).

Pour plus de justice et finir de catégoriser les Français selon leur religion, je vous propose une nouvelle nomenclature (qui a dit Novlangue ?) qui facilitera la vie de tout le monde, parce que faut bien reconnaître que la complexité, c’est tellement ennuyeux.

Nouvelle nomenclature à utiliser dorénavant dans les QG de campagne et dans les médias : 

Français de confession musulmane : un Françulman

Français de confession catholique : un Frantholique

Français de confession juive : un Françuif

Français témoins de Jéovah : Françéovah (synonyme : crétin)

Français de confession scientologue : un Frantologue (synonyme : tête de con)

Français de confession Raëllienne : un Françaëllien (synonyme : abruti)

Merci pour votre attention

« Un vote de crise », « un vote de colère » entend-on, ici ou là. Certes, mais un vote d’adhésion avant tout. Oui, ça fait mal, mais il est temps de l’admettre. Car, rappelons-nous, le score de Marine Le Pen ce 22 avril 2012, c’est à peu de chose près le score qu’avait fait Jean Marie Le Pen au soir du 7 mai 2002 lors du deuxième tour de l’élection présidentielle face à Jacques Chirac. Au 2e tour, pas au premier, détail qui a son importance dans la mesure où le vote de 1er tour est, suivant les résultats, considéré par les politiques soit comme un vote d’adhésion soit comme un vote sanction. Aujourd’hui, le camp Sarkozy penche évidemment pour la première interprétation en espérant ouvertement récupérer la soi-disante colère pour remporter le morceau au soir du 6 mai.

Mais qu’en est-il réellement ?

De colère il n’est pas seulement question. Loin s’en faut. La permanence d’un FN à un étiage de 17% entre 2002 et 2012 devrait être un élément de réponse. Certains objecteront qu’à la présidentielle de 2007, Jean Marie le Pen avait tout juste passé la barre des 10% et qu’une partie de l’électorat frontiste avait été siphonné par le candidat Sarkozy, qui faisait ainsi revenir une partie du troupeau égaré dans le giron républicain. Mais c’est oublier que le candidat UMP avait repris les thématiques frontistes. L’électorat suit une idéologie, plus qu’un candidat. (C’est fort bien expliqué par Guy Birenbaum ici : l’homme qui ne tua pas le lepenisme). En substance, que les thématiques ultra-sécuritaires, stigmatisantes et xénophobes, soient défendues par Marine Le Pen, son père ou Nicolas Sarkozy, n’a aucune importance : elles ne sont pas plus acceptables et restent toujours des thématiques ultra-sécuritaires, stigmatisantes et xénophobes. En draguant le FN sur le terrain de la xénophobie, Nicolas Sarkozy a mis un pied en dehors des valeurs de la République. Qu’il ait pensé avoir la force de s’en préserver est un symptôme d’une arrogance et d’une certaine naïveté ou inconscience qu’on lui connaît déjà. A moins qu’il ait eu parfaitement conscience de mettre en péril la République…

Quant à l’électorat qui suit ces idées, il n’est à proprement parler ni dans le vote de crise ni dans le vote colère, ni dans la sanction. Il fait même preuve d’une remarquable constance. En 2007, la récupération de cet électorat par Nicolas Sarkozy n’est pas un accident, c’est au contraire la manifestation d’un électorat prêt à ce que ses idées soient mises en oeuvre de manière concrète, le fussent-elle par un candidat de la droite traditionnelle.

Il est donc temps de prendre conscience de l’existence de cet électorat là. Dans la classe politique et dans les médias. Il n’y a pas eu de poussée frontiste au soir du 22 avril, mais la manifestation de la permanence des idées d’extrême droite du nord au sud de la France.

Et entendre les responsables politiques, de droite en l’occurrence, passer sous silence le message xénophobe des 17% de Jean Marie le Pen en 2002, et pire en 2012, parfaitement s’en accommoder, marque un point de rupture entre une droite traditionnellement républicaine et gaulliste et une droite héritière de Drieux la Rochelle ou Robert Brasillach.

Alors oui, il faut s’adresser aux électeurs du FN, à cette proportion non négligeable de la population française, mais il est temps de cesser de les déresponsabiliser, de leur trouver des excuses. Ce sont 17% d’électeurs responsables et conscients de leur acte qui se sont déplacés mettre un bulletin Marine le Pen dans l’urne dimanche 22 avril. Considérons-les comme tels. Sous peine d’assister à un schisme de la droite.

Et si Hollande l’emporte le 6 mai, ce ne sera que parce qu’il sera demeuré dans le pacte républicain. Ni plus, ni moins.

L’éditorialiste politique est un journaliste comme vous et moi, à ceci près qu’il  est certain d’être un rouage du pouvoir.

L’éditorialiste politique est à la chose publique ce que l’éjaculation précoce est à l’amour, un pis-aller. Mais si, dans une certaine mesure, l’éjaculation précoce se soigne, il n’existe en revanche aucun remède à l’éditorialiste. Toutefois, ne soyons pas bégueule, ce dernier est aussi un doux rêveur. C’est un fieffé idéaliste et même un damné utopiste. Bref, c’est un con. L’une des deux dernières assertions était vraie, l’autre fausse ; à moins que ce ne soit l’inverse ; enfin peut-être… En fait il n’a qu’un rêve, briguer un portefeuille ministériel pour montrer que lui, tout journaliste qu’il est, serait parfaitement capable de mettre en pratique ce qu’il préconise à longueur d’analyses politiques qu’elles soient écrites ou télévisées.  Mais ça n’arrivera jamais et il le sait. « Et tant mieux », se dit-il.

Car sur un plateau télé, face aux politiques et à l’animateur de la soirée, l’éditorialiste peut tout à fait paraître crédible. Il arrive même parfois que le téléspectateur arrive à le prendre au sérieux. Il faut reconnaître que dans son costume décontracté mais strict, le bonhomme en impose. Le goitre naissant des bons vivants qui renforcent leurs plaques d’athérome à la table des puissants, le cheveu clairsemé voire moumouteux dans certains cas, il assène sa vision de la politique d’un ton professoral. Si l’éditorialiste politique est une femme, elle se doit d’être d’un âge respectable, mais cela ne doit pas se lire à ses rides… plutôt par les coups de bistouris un peu aventureux de son chirurgien esthétique qui aura pris en considération l’orientation probable des spotlights du plateau télé pour retailler qui d’un appendice nasal résiduel, qui d’une pommette saillante et relevée comme un gant face à l’affront de cet éternel emmerdeur qu’est le temps.

Pour étayer ses analyses, l’éditorialiste se réfère souvent aux sondages. Grâce à eux, il peut élaborer des constructions intellectuelles complexes, brillantes même, et s’adonner à un genre très prisé en presse, la politique fiction, sorte de château de carte fondé sur du vent. Mais le sondage est magique. Il permet d’avancer tout et son contraire, tout et n’importe quoi, du moment qu’il y a des chiffres à montrer. Le pourcentage met les gens dans des cases. Soit deux grosses cases en général : les pour, les contre. Du binaire, quoi. Facile à mâcher. Le sondage, c’est un peu la soupe de l’analyste politique édenté. La preuve, il est assez fréquent en réalité que ce dernier porte une prothèse dentaire… Du fait de son grand âge certes, mais surtout de sa surconsommation d’os à rogner que les politiques lui lancent pour qu’il puisse avoir quelque chose à mordre. Vous l’aurez compris, l’analyste politique est très cabot, voire canin. C’est en fait le meilleur ami de l’homme politique.  Il n’aime rien tant que se lécher les parties ou se gratter l’oreille sur un canapé de ministère en attendant une petite promenade avec un homme ou une femme d’Etat.

Mais penchons nous sur la bourgeonnante cyno-adolescence de Juste (il me plaît à penser qu’un éditorialiste politique puisse s’appeler Juste) dans son collège parisien. Déjà, il lève le doigt à toutes les questions que pose la maîtresse en criant « Moi ! Moi ! Moi ! Je sais m’dame !! ». En fait, même lorsqu’elle ne pose pas de questions, il lève la patte pour la ramener, ou pour se lécher les parties. Il se manifeste aussi à l’élection des délégués de la classe. Il fait campagne, élabore un beau programme que lui seul comprend, noue des alliances comme un Président du Conseil de la IV^e République. Et se ramasse la gueule, comme un Président du Conseil de la IV^e République. Il en conçoit d’ailleurs une grande frustration, et malgré son cerveau hypertophié, il n’arrive pas à comprendre pourquoi une telle claque s’est abattue sur sa joue tendre et encore glabre de petit premier de la classe (ce sera une constante dans sa vie d’éditorialiste politique, à ceci près qu’il aura la joue plus flasque au faîte de sa gloire). Du coup, il épie chaque faits-et-gestes de son vainqueur et maître, cet arriviste désagréable et sûr de lui qu’au fond, il regarde avec envie et dévotion, comme un caniche regarde sa maîtresse se faire prendre sur le guéridon du petit salon par le majordome.  C’est de la spoliation originelle de cette victoire que la raison appelait pourtant de ses vœux (du moins sa raison) que le goût maladif de l’analyse politique s’insinua dans les veines du petit Juste.

Aujourd’hui, il est si proche du pouvoir qu’il le tutoie, mais seulement en privé. Il doit garder un semblant de distance sur le plateau de télévision. C’est la crise, plus de 10% de la population active est au chômage, des têtes nucléaires made in North Corea sont pointées sur les capitales d’Europe depuis Téhéran, mais ce soir sur le plateau de télé, ce qui agite le cerveau proéminent de Juste, c’est le dernier remaniement ministériel. Un remaniement qui ne veut rien dire et dont tous les chômeurs de France se foutent. A bien y réfléchir, ceux qui ont un emploi aussi. Mais Juste ne se résout pas à laisser aller ce non-événement comme l’enfant regarderait son caca partir en tirant la chasse d’eau. Non, il sera toujours là pour s’extasier devant le spectacle d’une simple merde…